MSN News today: "Save $500 for emergencies." Are you kidding? Let's do the math, shall we?

Hold me back, please, I'd like to slap someone across the face. An MSN reporter today suggests: it is wise to save $500 (or more) as an emergency fund, even if you're living paycheque to paycheque. Oh yeah, Mr. Journalist? Let's see you try it! Take a walk in my shoes whydontcha! The cost of living has continued to rise, while employers have been taking advantage of the number of jobless for the past two years, offering pittance salaries. It doesn't matter that I have a Bachelor's degree, most "sanitation engineers," these days have an MBA. Oh, why didn't I finish my post-grad degree, I could have been a Garbage Collector! Cue the dreamy music.

Even so ... the article goes on to say that $500 is often enough to avoid bounced cheque fees and payday lenders, and/or cover most minor emergencies. OK, where do you LIVE? I want to move there! I had a $3,000 cushion, but that was six months ago and it's long gone. I once heard (from yet another financial advisor) that the right amount to save is the equivalent of three months' living expenses. Guess what? That comes to about $3,000 in my case, and again, THAT WAS SIX MONTHS AGO. That's how long I've been unable to work because of my RA, and my last employer didn't offer any kind of long-term disability plan, so I was S.O.L. despite having more in my emergency savings than many of my peers. By the way, I inherited the $3K, so don't go thinking I'm some sort of money magician. There was NO WAY I could save that kind of cash, since I was living from one paycheque to the next. My old boss was El Cheapo. I confess, I did go a little bananas when I first got the inheritance fund. I bought myself a new $800 sofa, on sale. I'd been living with a springs-shot eyesore that a friend gave me ten years ago, which I intercepted as it was being tossed to the curb. At the time I bought the new sofa, I was gainfully employed. After all, I could afford it, I had FINALLY landed a job with a decent salary. Two months later my hands seized up, and voila. Unable to work. Stuck at home, in pain, slowly watching my remaining $2,200 emergency fund fade away. I'd sell the damn sofa right now if I could, but the cat clawed it minutes after I moved it in, so let's just say its value instantly depreciated SIGNIFICANTLY. I still love the cat. The sofa, not so much.

Add this up: I pay just under $800 rent per month for a tiny 500 sq.ft. studio apartment in Vancouver (no, it doesn't have a separate bedroom) that faces the parking lot and trash bins. The avocado green appliances are circa 1954 - and I'm not exaggerating, I actually asked the landlord. It's no luxury suite and the rent is considered cheap for Vancouver. Add in hydro, cable, internet and phone, I spend around $1,100 - $1,200 per month, give or take, just on basics. That doesn't include the monthly $300 I have to shell out for RA medication, or contingencies like the 2 emergency dental appointments I had to make in December just so that every time I sucked in air, I didn't turn blue in agony. I don't buy "frills." While I'll be the first one to admit I'm no whizz with money, (although how would I know? I've never had any), I'm not a complete idiot either.

On medical EI, I got about $1200 a month. That paid for rent, my phone, and my TV and internet cable connection. So every month, I had to dig into my savings for food money, and at about $100 a pop each week at the grocery store, money goes fast. Save some? Wanna tell me how? Even with a respectable income, the tax man takes it all - sing those lyrics ABBA! Haha. I have spent at least $1,500 on medications in the past six months. There goes my savings, and now I am almost out of meds. Bracing myself ...

If regular EI kicks in, I will just be able to make it. If not, Welfare pays about $800 per month. That's below the poverty line, isn't it? And they force you to find a place to live for under $450 or they withold your money. Do you realize what that buys you in Vancouver? A closet in a 2-bedroom house, shared with a family of twelve. Has anyone got a bedbug-infested hovel up for grabs?

Stay tuned. Now, back to job hunting.